Thinking 2 Steps Ahead Workshop

Don't forget the Thinking 2 Steps Ahead workshop for mentors on Thursday evening at Lake Regional Hospital. It'll be in one of the third floor conference rooms from 6 to 8 p.m. Be sure to let Woman 2 Woman know if you'll attend.

This is the Day the Lord Has Made

I mentioned to a friend today that I'm so happy these days that I feel guilty about it. Why?, she asked. And then reminded me of Psalm 118:24 - This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Thanks, Mary, for that oh so timely and important reminder.

The LORD wants us to be happy. He's happy when we're happy.

Wow...important life lesson today.

Idea Factory: What would you do if....

your client has an excuse for everything?

Let's get a discussion going. Your idea might help another mentor.

Simple Questions

What would you like to see on this site?

If you can't think of anything you'd like to see on this site, do you think it's worth continuing?

How can we make an internet presence more valuable to you as a mentor?

Paul's Opinion on Tough Love

After I wrote yesterday's post, my daily devotional seemed to speak to that issue. Paul wrote, speaking to the Corinthians (2 Cor 7:8-9) that if he caused them sorry by his letter, he did not regret it because though it may have hurt for a little while, their sorry led to their repentence.

I read that passage above as Paul asking to be placed on the side of tough love.

Maybe mercy is more like when Randy, early in our marriage, put a cigarette burn in the brand new carpet when he fell asleep in the chair in front of the TV. I never said a word in anger about that. I knew he felt bad enough as it was. Bad enough that his behavior changed after that. (No, he didn't stop smoking then, but he stopped smoking in the house and it was a start. Several years later he claimed it was easier to stop completely because all he had to do was stay IN the house! Whatever works, huh?)

I'm still waiting for you mentors to weigh in on this issue.

Your Opinion, Please: Mercy or Tough Love

When I lived a past life in corporate America, I earned a reputation for solving tough problems. Here at Woman 2 Woman, Kim entrusts me with clients that need a pretty tough love approach. You may have heard me tell the story that I once took a spiritual gifts test and got a 2 (out of 100) in mercy. It always gets a good laugh and it seems to be truly indicative of my behavior.

Yesterday, Matthew 5:7 smacked me in the forehead: Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. I thought…boy, am I in trouble.

And then I kept thinking, rationalizing maybe. But before I tell what I was thinking, I’d sure like to hear from you all.

Is there a difference between tough love and mercy? If so, when is each appropriate? Can both be a part of your make-up? Can they cause conflict?

Let’s discuss this issue and how it pertains to mentoring.

The Joy of a Successful Client

In mentor training I mention that, as a rule, more clients don’t succeed in our program than do. Though this is a discouraging bit of information, I also mention that the one or two who are wildly successful are enough to sustain us in our desire to keep mentoring through those that disappoint and frustrate us.

I had lunch yesterday with one of my very first wildly successful clients. She’s now a friend. I still feel the joy of her success whenever I see her and get to catch up with how she’s doing.

It’s been ten years since I got to know her. An incredible 10 years for her. She had an impressive list of goals then, most of which she’s accomplished. She’s still working on some of them. Along the way some terrific things that she neither planned nor foresaw happened as a result of her hard work and commitment to making her life better for her and her children. She spiraled those into even more goodness in her life.

Yesterday she was still happy and excited about the future.

And boy, howdy, was I happy for her.

That’s what really sustains us as we help these women find their way to the Land of Possible.

Turtle on the half shell...

By Kim Spangler

If you've been driving our rural roads at all these past few weeks you will have noticed turtles on the tarmac...assorted shapes and shells. Or more appropriately, what remains of the assorted critters. You all have responded in times past that my mind veers off onto trails of unknown origin. Here is yet another trail tale. Lotsa road kill because our green little friends are too slow moving...not equipped to sense the danger. Hmmm...our clients are kinda like that.

Most of our new intakes are not only multi-issue, but they are recovering from very extremely poor life choices...they didn't see the danger coming when they chose to say "yes" or to do that or to move there. Our starting point with them is almost like after-action triage in the military-stop the "bleeding" and encourage them into the next step. So many of these are so emotionally wounded that the first steps include empathic listening, hugs and instilling hope.

Here are a few stats from this past month of 28 clients: 16 (WOW) have no transportation, 23 have learning, developmental or psych issues, 15 have recent abuse issues, 20 have a history of addiction. Get the picture? They are currently facing "roadkill" status unless we intervene to make a difference. AND...we will make a difference! Our 13-yr speaks to our successes.

This is an excellent example of the critical need for "Women on the Move" again! Please share this info with others as you read our press releases or hear us on the radio. We have a Community Challenge out there (you all rec'vd copy of release)...dollar for dollar matching to get this van transportation program back up and running! Spread the word...and the need!

And slow down for the turtles you encounter!

Is the Grass Really Greener on the Other Side of the Fence?

I sometimes get frustrated with women who are always looking for the next better thing. They always want to start from scratch and do something different. I wonder: How about if you just stop and try to make where you are work for you, huh?

Although I like it that they may think they’re attempting to Think 2 Steps Ahead, most of the time they’re actually just trying to avoid dealing with their own reality. They’re playing a form of the “If only” game, usually without winning.

Perhaps, instead of looking for a greener field, they ought to just try to fertilize their own pasture. Either way, there’s a whole lot of energy expended. For those of us who come from a corporate background, we know the statistics on how much harder and more costly it is to find and get new rather than retain current customers. Same principle. They have to be brutally honest with themselves when they ask if it’s worth it.

Ask your clients what small changes or expenditures of energy they can invest in simply making their current situation better rather than facing a Major Change which may or may not improve their situation.

The key to improving the situation is always that something must change. But maybe, just maybe, not everything. Encourage clients to start with something small and realistic to see what happens. They can always take a bigger step; make a bigger change later if necessary.

Blown Away

If you've been reading my Thinking 2 Steps Ahead blog you'll see a blog entry in March called PROFOUND IMPACT.

Today, May 4, is the 9th anniversary of the tornado that destroyed my home, home based business and blew away everything Randy and I owned.

To say that the tornado had a Profound Impact on our lives is an understatement.

We learned to be grateful for everything and everyone, that our treasures are not stored on earth, and that learning to receive is a powerful and valuable lesson. My husband tells how just how profound that lesson was when he relates the story that another friend pointed out that receiving, without expectation of anything in return, is all Christ asks of us when He offers the gift of salvation. We truly bless people when we graciously accept a gift they want to give, whether it is something they buy, they make, or an offer of their help or time.

We all have things in our lives that make a Profound Impact and shape the way we are. Some are good, and some are not. Those incidents of Profound Impact that have a negative effect on our lives are often the issues that our clients are dealing with.

Identify the Profound Impacts and you'll know how to move forward. The good ones should be celebrated and reinforced, the bad ones examined and turned into a positive learning experience...and moved past.

When I look back on the whole experience of living through and recovering from a Cat 4 tornado, I am "blown away" by the joy and profoundly positive impact of that ordeal. I certainly don't want to go through it again, but it's made my life better in every way.

If I Had My Life to Live Over by Erma Bombeck

By Erma Bombeck (from a 1979 column)

Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live over would I change anything. My answer was no, but then I thought about it and changed my mind.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat cross-legged on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching real life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband which I took for granted.

I would have eaten less cottage cheese and more ice cream.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought ANYTHING just because it was practical/wouldn’t show soil/guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy and complaining about the shadow over my feet, I’d have cherished every minute of it and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was to be my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more I love yous… more I’m sorrys… more I’m listening…

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it… look at it and really see it… try it on… live it… exhaust it… and never give that minute back until there was nothing left of it.

Erma Bombeck

I've heard of Erma Bombeck. She was a blogger before blogging existed which means she wrote a syndicated newspaper column and books. In the stash of stuff I've saved because it somehow impressed me somewhere in the past, I found this quote from Erma Bombeck.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.

Man, I love that. I'd like to know and spend some time with this woman.

Does anyone out there have any Erma Bombeck "stuff". Let's share and get to know her together.

P.S. If anyone wants to be an author on this blog, let me know. I'm happy to add you.

Less Attitude, More Gratitude

I have a sign above my kitchen sink that says simply...Less Attitude, More Gratitude. I found it in the Amish (or Mennonite) General Store in Tunis (not to be confused with the coop that now has electricity and indoor flush toilets). The General Store is tucked away on a back road and uses natural light and lanterns to show customers their merchandise. I love that store. It reminds me of a less complicated life that I often long for.

I read that sign as a command, not a suggestion. A cause and effect sort of thing. And I sometimes ponder whether it would be more effective if it said More Gratitude, Less Attitude. Either way, it works. For me anyway. I actually bought two signs and gave one to a teen-aged niece. The jury's still out on whether or not it's working for her. But, as I often say, yougottawanna.

I wanna.

Client success often turns on whether or not they wanna. Are they just saying all the right things or do their actions speak louder than their words?